A little reminder so you’ll keep your feet on the ground

October 5

Running out of words to say. Running out of things to pray for. Running out of hope, faith, belief and optimism. Should I regret ever feeling this way? Should I wish for time to turn back? so I could have chosen not to fall for you? Tough luck. What’s done is done and we’re deeper in this ditch than we ever imagined. I can wait if time is all you need. But don’t give me bull that it’s not me, it’s you. That’s the mother ship of cliches and for the sake of us please don’t throw it all away. I’m dying. Whoever said that if you were happy before something happened, you can be happy without it doesn’t know fuck. Because I was fine before this happened. When things changed. And now I’m’afraid to come back to how things were before. Is there even somewhere to return to? I’m afraid. But then again, I’m not leaving. I’m not forcing you to stay, I’m just saying I’m not leaving. I’ll wait. For you to be ready. For you to feel the way you feel for me again. For us to be together again. I give you five months. These five months which will probably be cruel to me. But I don’t care. I can’t tell you this because I don’t want you to realize that I’m actually more attached than I make it seem. I don’t want to scare you even more. But I’ll wait. Please give me something to hope for. No matter how small it may be. No matter how insignificant it may be. I’ll hold on to it with every strength I have.